LOS ANGELES—Acting quickly to save his beloved creation, billionaire entrepreneur and engineer Elon Musk rushed to the aid of an overturned Tesla Model 3 Thursday that became immobilized on top of a 9-year-old child. “When I saw that poor helpless Tesla, with its segment-leading styling and advanced range, flipped over that immobilized little boy, my instincts just kicked in and I ran over to render what assistance I could,” said Musk, who claimed that the adrenaline rush he experienced upon seeing his baby threatened and helpless gave him the strength to lever the car back onto its wheels over the shattered body of the fourth-grader. “It breaks my heart to think just how much that car’s paint job has been scuffed by that child’s remains. Thank God I was there at the right time, or that Tesla could have lost significant value.” Musk has magnanimously promised to pay for any repairs that the Tesla incurred as a result of the impact with the now-dead child.
More from The Onion