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Elon Musk’s Plans For Twitter

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World’s richest person Elon Musk recently completed his $44 billion purchase of Twitter, taking it private and issuing plans for other major changes at the social media company. The Onion highlights Musk’s biggest new plans for Twitter’s future.

  • Eliminate such inefficiencies as middle management, corporate board, and user base
  • Flag and remove tweets containing nuance or subtlety
  • Fart button to press in case of harassment
  • No character limits for screeds against certain races and religions
  • Finally set up his own account
  • Block all biological children
  • New fees charging Twitter employees to work there
  • Relocate Black South African users to separate section of feed
  • Offer subscription for daily print edition of timeline
  • Sell for enormous loss in six months
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