World’s richest person Elon Musk recently completed his $44 billion purchase of Twitter, taking it private and issuing plans for other major changes at the social media company. The Onion highlights Musk’s biggest new plans for Twitter’s future.
- Eliminate such inefficiencies as middle management, corporate board, and user base
- Flag and remove tweets containing nuance or subtlety
- Fart button to press in case of harassment
- No character limits for screeds against certain races and religions
- Finally set up his own account
- Block all biological children
- New fees charging Twitter employees to work there
- Relocate Black South African users to separate section of feed
- Offer subscription for daily print edition of timeline
- Sell for enormous loss in six months
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