WASHINGTON—Adjusting the white bonnet and settling into his chair before the start of his confirmation hearing Tuesday, embarrassed Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh reportedly couldn’t believe both he and protestors had chosen to wear handmaid costumes on the same day. “I was feeling so confident in my blood-red dress and elegant matching cape, but then all of a sudden dozens of sign-waving women wearing the exact same outfit as me showed up outside the hearing room, and now I just look stupid,” said Kavanaugh, who, according to reports, frantically texted his wife and asked her to bring him either a black or navy blue suit to change into during the next recess. “I thought if I chose a showy enough red, nobody else would pick the same outfit as me, but apparently we all had the same idea to make a bold statement during this hearing. It’s beyond mortifying. I can’t believe the Capitol police made me wait in the hallway with the other handmaids.” At press time, a visibly sweating Kavanaugh was explaining to the Senate Judiciary Committee why he wanted to dress up as his favorite television villain.


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