English Teacher Already Armed With Deadly Weapon Called Shakespeare

Illustration for article titled English Teacher Already Armed With Deadly Weapon Called Shakespeare

CHAMBERSBURG, PA—As the national debate surrounding school shootings continues with President Trump recently suggesting educators carry guns in the classroom, high school English teacher Mary Bacher told reporters Thursday that she was already armed with a deadly weapon called Shakespeare. “There’s nothing more lethal than the razor-sharp wit of the great Bard of Avon,” said Bacher, noting that when it comes to defense, she is “locked and loaded” with the devastating free verse found in the 37 plays and 154 sonnets of the late 16th century English playwright and poet. “His works have brought the great to their knees, and even the most heavily armored of hearts cannot withstand the penetrating insight and incandescent passion of his mellifluous sonnets. To wield the power of one of the greatest minds in history, I don’t need a concealed carry license—just access to his arsenal of high-caliber words.” Bacher confirmed that if she were in an active shooter situation, she would merely quote Henry V’s “St. Crispin’s Day” speech aloud to her students to give them courage and instill confidence that the pen is truly mightier than the sword.