CAMBRIDGE, MA—Cautioning the public about one of the major potential drawbacks of genetically modifying embryos, ethicists at Harvard Medical School were reportedly worried Friday that the emergence of designer babies could make them look really ugly in comparison. “While gene editing has shown promise as a means of combating various diseases and birth defects, we must be attuned to the great risk that babies born with artificially selected traits could make us look like a bunch of gross uggos,” said ethicist Hank Kobak, warning of the worrisome moral dilemma that might occur when there’s no way researchers can compete with the symmetrical faces and silky hair automatically bestowed to these babies thanks to germline genetic modification. “Going down this treacherous path could lead to a crisis for humanity in which average-looking people find themselves feeling like total ogres. By engaging in this kind of tampering with nature, we could create a nightmarish precedent where people who were previously 7s or 8s will be 3s or 4s.” Kobak added that the most virtuous action would be to invest in medicine that makes old people look great, such as researching cures for baldness or eliminating belly fat.

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