WASHINGTON—In the first full-scale successful citizen swap of its kind, the White House confirmed Monday that it had exchanged every person in America for the entire population of Iran. “I’m proud to announce that we have transferred 335 million Americans to Iran,” said Biden, who called the swap a “monumental” first step toward thawing diplomatic relations between the two nations, as millions of confused former residents of Washington, D.C. woke up to find themselves in the arid climate of Tehran, and millions of baffled former residents of Tehran woke up in Washington, D.C., rubbing their eyes and blinking as they stared at the completely unfamiliar territory outside the bedroom windows of homes that were not theirs. “I have heard criticism from Republican leaders, but those guys don’t live here anymore. This is a historic day for relations between America and Iran. Or should I say Iran and America?” At press time, President Biden and Iranian President Ebrahim Raisi were arguing about whether the two of them were supposed to stay put or swap places as well.