STOUGHTON, MA—From his aversion to using plastic bags to his refusal to eat bread and other foods containing gluten, every one of local man Joshua Pell’s life priorities is reportedly baffling to his grandfather, Everett Pell, sources confirmed Monday. “Lately, I’ve been trying to build a bigger social media presence by interacting more with the people I follow,” the younger Pell was overheard saying at a family gathering, further bewildering his 79-year-old grandfather by adding he is trying to avoid sitting whenever possible and would like to own a standing desk. “Although I’m also considering just going completely off the grid for a month and backpacking through Croatia.” According to reports, the following day, Everett told a group of friends that his grandson’s ambition is to become a businessman.

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