SLAPOUT, OK—Bemoaning the complete lack of cultural diversity in the barren stretch of prairie, sources confirmed Monday that every radio station in rural Oklahoma was playing the same stupid emergency tornado warning. “How are these hicks not bored out of their skulls hearing nothing but these dumb weather advisories up and down the dial?” said New York resident Joanne Block, who scanned from station to station in the futile hope of finding something more interesting before she resigned herself to spending the next hour or so listening to the same monotonous messages imploring listeners to take shelter immediately. “God, I bet the hayseeds around here really love this inane crap about 115-mile-per-hour winds and low atmospheric pressure. Ugh, and there’s zero variation no matter what station you’re on. It all sounds like it’s written about the same stupid tornado, too.” At press time, Block added that she much preferred the emergency flood warnings she had back on the coast.
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