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Alabama
Alabama
“SOOOOO-IE!”
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Alaska
Alaska
[Standing up as tall as possible to ward off predators.]
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Arizona
Arizona
“Let’s go fuck in one of vibrant downtown Phoenix’s many fine hotel rooms.”
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Arkansas
Arkansas
“President Clinton would love a brief word with you.”
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California
California
“You’ll do until I’m ready for an upgrade.”
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Colorado
Colorado
“Hey, attractive pal, can I interest you in some imminent sex? It’ll be one blast!”
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Connecticut
Connecticut
“My dad is rich.”
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Delaware
Delaware
“The upstanding Sen. Chris Coons would not approve of what we’re about to do.”
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Florida
Florida
“I lost my phone number. Do you know who I am?”
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Georgia
Georgia
“Well, ain’t you sweeter than a Georgia kiwi.”
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Hawaii
Hawaii
“I’m on a honeymoon, but it’s not serious.”
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Idaho
Idaho
“How much of this potato do you think I could fit in my mouth?”
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Illinois
Illinois
“Damn, you look like you don’t plan to live here permanently.”
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Indiana
Indiana
“And Er, Judah’s firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the Lord; and the Lord slew him. And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother’s wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother. And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother’s wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. And the thing which he did displeased the Lord: wherefore he slew him also.”
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Iowa
Iowa
“So how long have you been a butter cow?”
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Kansas
Kansas
“Get in the truck.”
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Kentucky
Kentucky
“What, you think we all fuck horses here? The horses from the Kentucky Derby? Really? Well, I’ve got news for you. The horses don’t want us. Believe me, we’ve tried! It just isn’t going to happen. The horses have some sort of thing where they won’t fuck humans. If you get a horse who seems even a little interested, it’s probably some kind of trap. That’s how uptight the horses are, okay? So don’t even think for a second that that’s what the situation is here, because frankly, you’re way off.”
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Louisiana
Louisiana
“Your swamp or mine?”
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Maine
Maine
“Nice vest. Very sensible.”
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Maryland
Maryland
“I’ve had my source down at the agency assemble data on you, and I think we’d be rather compatible.”
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Massachusetts
Massachusetts
“Fuck you, you fucking queer.”
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Michigan
Michigan
[Running nude through the mall] “Horny!!!”
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Minnesota
Minnesota
“Oh ya, hi there.”
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Mississippi
Mississippi
“No one gotta know what happens in the river.”
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Missouri
Missouri
“Eh, you’ll do.”
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Montana
Montana
“You ever been with a mountain before?”
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Nebraska
Nebraska
“Are you a combine harvester? Because I got tangled up in you and might not survive.”
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Nevada
Nevada
“A beautiful woman like you belongs in one of the higher-end brothels.”
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New Hampshire
New Hampshire
“The world is harsh and cruel, but we find a way to persevere. My love will test you similarly.”
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New Jersey
New Jersey
“Let’s fuck before one of us moves to Florida.”
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New Mexico
New Mexico
“Cancel your plans. We’re going to some godforsaken craft fair.”
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New York
New York
“I’m not harassing you, I’m Italian.”
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North Carolina
North Carolina
“I’ll have the pulled pork.”
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North Dakota
North Dakota
“Sex would be a great distraction from our immediate circumstances.”
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Ohio
Ohio
“When they closed the factories, it was guys like us that paid the price. Guys who used their hands for generations were suddenly out of a job for no other reason than some fat cat who never saw a factory floor in his goddamn life wanted another Porsche. What happened to America?”
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Oklahoma
Oklahoma
“Let’s you and me go somewhere the Lord can’t see us.”
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Oregon
Oregon
“Let’s upcycle this conversation to be more sexually friendly.”
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Pennsylvania
Pennsylvania
“If you want to fuck we better hurry because Rumspringa ends tomorrow.”
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Rhode Island
Rhode Island
“I like doing it with Connecticut and Massachusetts watching.”
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South Carolina
South Carolina
“It’s not like there are a million other ways to pass the time in this hurricane shelter.”
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South Dakota
South Dakota
“Ever get laid in a president’s nostril?”
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Tennessee
Tennessee
“I am not a singer-songwriter, nor do I pursue music on the side.”
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Texas
Texas
“You look pre-pregnant. I can fix that.”
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Utah
Utah
“That skirt looks very godly on you.”
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Vermont
Vermont
“Cum fuck shit ass fuck fuck cum cock fuck cum pussy cum cum!”
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Virginia
Virginia
“You want to join my historical reenactment of the Chancellorsville soldiers getting jerked off by their generals before battle?”
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Washington
Washington
“We can give you the carbon credits if you do some over-the-pants stuff for me.”
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West Virginia
West Virginia
“Well, we’ve been trapped in this collapsed mine for six days now, and it doesn’t seem like help’s coming.”
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Wisconsin
Wisconsin
“Can I buy you a keg?”
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Wyoming
Wyoming
“Given our low population, it’s me or a relative.”
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