Every State’s Favorite Pickup Lines

Every State’s Favorite Pickup Lines

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Alabama

Alabama

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“SOOOOO-IE!”

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Alaska

Alaska

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[Standing up as tall as possible to ward off predators.]

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Arizona

Arizona

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“Let’s go fuck in one of vibrant downtown Phoenix’s many fine hotel rooms.”

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Arkansas

Arkansas

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“President Clinton would love a brief word with you.”

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California

California

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“You’ll do until I’m ready for an upgrade.”

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Colorado

Colorado

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“Hey, attractive pal, can I interest you in some imminent sex? It’ll be one blast!”

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Connecticut

Connecticut

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“My dad is rich.”

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Delaware

Delaware

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“The upstanding Sen. Chris Coons would not approve of what we’re about to do.”

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Florida

Florida

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“I lost my phone number. Do you know who I am?”

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Georgia

Georgia

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“Well, ain’t you sweeter than a Georgia kiwi.”

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Hawaii

Hawaii

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“I’m on a honeymoon, but it’s not serious.”

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Idaho

Idaho

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“How much of this potato do you think I could fit in my mouth?”

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Illinois

Illinois

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“Damn, you look like you don’t plan to live here permanently.”

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Indiana

Indiana

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“And Er, Judah’s firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the Lord; and the Lord slew him. And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother’s wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother. And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother’s wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. And the thing which he did displeased the Lord: wherefore he slew him also.”

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Iowa

Iowa

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“So how long have you been a butter cow?”

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Kansas

Kansas

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“Get in the truck.”

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Kentucky

Kentucky

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“What, you think we all fuck horses here? The horses from the Kentucky Derby? Really? Well, I’ve got news for you. The horses don’t want us. Believe me, we’ve tried! It just isn’t going to happen. The horses have some sort of thing where they won’t fuck humans. If you get a horse who seems even a little interested, it’s probably some kind of trap. That’s how uptight the horses are, okay? So don’t even think for a second that that’s what the situation is here, because frankly, you’re way off.”

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Louisiana

Louisiana

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“Your swamp or mine?”

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Maine

Maine

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“Nice vest. Very sensible.”

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Maryland

Maryland

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“I’ve had my source down at the agency assemble data on you, and I think we’d be rather compatible.”

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Massachusetts

Massachusetts

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“Fuck you, you fucking queer.”

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Michigan

Michigan

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[Running nude through the mall] “Horny!!!”

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Minnesota

Minnesota

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“Oh ya, hi there.”

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Mississippi

Mississippi

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“No one gotta know what happens in the river.”

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Missouri

Missouri

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“Eh, you’ll do.”

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Montana

Montana

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“You ever been with a mountain before?”

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Nebraska

Nebraska

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“Are you a combine harvester? Because I got tangled up in you and might not survive.”

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Nevada

Nevada

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“A beautiful woman like you belongs in one of the higher-end brothels.”

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New Hampshire

New Hampshire

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“The world is harsh and cruel, but we find a way to persevere. My love will test you similarly.”

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New Jersey

New Jersey

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“Let’s fuck before one of us moves to Florida.”

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New Mexico

New Mexico

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“Cancel your plans. We’re going to some godforsaken craft fair.”

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New York

New York

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“I’m not harassing you, I’m Italian.”

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North Carolina

North Carolina

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“I’ll have the pulled pork.”

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North Dakota

North Dakota

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“Sex would be a great distraction from our immediate circumstances.”

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Ohio

Ohio

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“When they closed the factories, it was guys like us that paid the price. Guys who used their hands for generations were suddenly out of a job for no other reason than some fat cat who never saw a factory floor in his goddamn life wanted another Porsche. What happened to America?”

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Oklahoma

Oklahoma

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“Let’s you and me go somewhere the Lord can’t see us.”

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Oregon

Oregon

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“Let’s upcycle this conversation to be more sexually friendly.”

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Pennsylvania

Pennsylvania

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“If you want to fuck we better hurry because Rumspringa ends tomorrow.”

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Rhode Island

Rhode Island

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“I like doing it with Connecticut and Massachusetts watching.”

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South Carolina

South Carolina

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“It’s not like there are a million other ways to pass the time in this hurricane shelter.”

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South Dakota

South Dakota

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“Ever get laid in a president’s nostril?”

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Tennessee

Tennessee

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“I am not a singer-songwriter, nor do I pursue music on the side.”

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Texas

Texas

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“You look pre-pregnant. I can fix that.”

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Utah

Utah

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“That skirt looks very godly on you.”

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Vermont

Vermont

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“Cum fuck shit ass fuck fuck cum cock fuck cum pussy cum cum!”

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Virginia

Virginia

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“You want to join my historical reenactment of the Chancellorsville soldiers getting jerked off by their generals before battle?”

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Washington

Washington

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“We can give you the carbon credits if you do some over-the-pants stuff for me.”

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West Virginia

West Virginia

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“Well, we’ve been trapped in this collapsed mine for six days now, and it doesn’t seem like help’s coming.”

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Wisconsin

Wisconsin

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“Can I buy you a keg?”

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Wyoming

Wyoming

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“Given our low population, it’s me or a relative.”

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