I'm going to get right to the point, because hemming and hawing and being polite has gotten me nowhere. The people on television need to stop shouting at the tops of their lungs and start talking at a much lower volume. It's that simple. I've asked them to quiet down over and over for the past 15 years, but they don't listen to me. They probably can't even hear me over all their yelling.
Why do they think they need to talk so loud? I'm sitting right here on the couch three feet away! There's no need to shout. I'm not deaf. Just talk to me in a normal tone of voice like I'm a normal human being. That's the way I talk to people—at a nice, respectful level. Ask anyone if Bob Denino shouts at folks when they're directly in front of his face and they'll tell you that he doesn't do that.
Even as I'm writing this, they're shouting. Yak yak yak. There's just no stopping them. SHUT UP! STOP YELLING! PLEASE STOP ALL YOUR YELLING! They're still going.
My neighbors are always complaining, telling me to keep it down and to knock off the racket. Me? It's the people on TV making all the noise! My neighbors have televisions. They know what the people on there are like. Screaming all day and all night. They just never—hold on one sec…. Pipe down in there! You're going to wake up the whole block! These people, I swear. You can't be rational with them.
I wish there were a way to make them talk a few decibels softer. I've done everything I possibly can. I've shushed them, I've threatened to call the police, I even picked up the remote control one day and threw it at the television screen. They just kept right on yapping.
It's not like I'm some 85-year-old man with big old hearing aids—I hear fine. Sure, I miss a word or two when I'm on the phone trying to order food, but it's because the people on the television are talking so loud that I can't even hear myself speak. Don't they know it's rude to shout while somebody's on the phone? DON'T YOU KNOW THAT?! They're not listening. They never listen.
There's no way to escape their constant yelling, either. I got people on TV screaming at me in the kitchen, in the living room, in the bedroom, every room in the house. All talking at once, usually not even about the same thing. They just love to hear the sound of their own voices, and all that noise basically makes this place unlivable. I've lived here since 1993, and I have not had one moment of peace and quiet. I can never get any work done. I get headaches all the time. I'd go down to the basement, but there's nothing to do down there. No TV, no nothing.
What's worse, I'm pretty sure they just keep on yelling even when I'm not here. I can hear them talking from outside my front door when I come home from work, and when I walk in, they're already in the middle of a shouting match. Are they insane? Who the heck are they talking to?
I'm sad to say it, but sometimes I stoop to their level and sit right in front of the television and start shouting for hours and hours right back at them. I'll bash pots and pans like that one woman who screams at me from her kitchen. I'll mock that inquisitive, but very loud Charlie guy by repeating his questions in a mocking tone. And I'll bang on the piano keys in my living room to drown out the bald man with sunglasses who plays his keyboards really loud at 11:30 at night. Eleven-thirty at night, for cripe's sake! Some people are trying to get to sleep!
I'll tell you what, if these people don't quiet down soon, I think I'm going to lose it.