Illustration for article titled Everyone In Sporting Goods Store Looking For Something To Get On Stepson’s Good Sideem/em

SANTA CLARITA, CA—Intently scanning the aisles for something that might convince the children they were okay guys after all, every customer at Dick’s Sporting Goods on Thursday was reportedly looking for something to get on his stepson’s good side. “Let’s see, Brandon’s got a Dodgers poster in his room so maybe a hat?” said Greg Burrows, one of roughly 45 other men shopping for something in the $20 to $30 range that they could toss around, wear to a game, or inflate in the backyard the next time the boy was staying at his mother’s house. “Yeah, I’ll bring this over and give this to him as a kind of peace offering. That should do the trick.” Sources later confirmed that each of the men had returned their purchase after the stepsons received better gifts from their real dads.


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