Each year on May 5, Mexican-Americans celebrate their heritage with parades, festivals, and cultural events. The Onion answers some commonly asked questions about the holiday:
A: A holiday celebrating Mexican heritage and the fact that everyone in Alpha Phi is done with finals.
A: No, Mexican Independence Day is on September 16, but Diez y Seis de Septiembre was too clunky to catch on with beer distributors.
Q: I know the date commemorates the Mexican army’s 1862 victory over the French during the Battle of Puebla, but I forget: Was that under the leadership of General López de Santa Anna?
A: No, dumbfuck. You’re thinking of General Ignacio Zaragoza.
A: Parades featuring traditional Mexican music and dancing, historical reenactments of the Battle of Puebla, and getting kicked out of Buffalo Wild Wings.
A: There’s no cover and two-for-one lectures on pre-Cuauhtémoc pottery at the National Museum of Mexican Art.
A: Over 30 million Americans are of Mexican descent, and the rest will take any opportunity to celebrate a French military defeat.
A: Parades commemorate the proud Mexican-American tradition of being forcibly relocated on foot.
A: Make sure to order on the rocks, not frozen.