Money might be fake, but your boss’s reluctance to pay you isn’t. Here are common excuses employers will use to avoid giving you a hard-earned raise.
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“I don’t really want to.”
“I don’t really want to.”
You’ve got to respect them at least a little bit for being honest.
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“Many other companies in our sector are also treating employees like shit.”
“Many other companies in our sector are also treating employees like shit.”
At least you know you can’t hope for better elsewhere.
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“Your golf-related small talk lacks depth.”
“Your golf-related small talk lacks depth.”
They can tell you overstated golf conversation skills on your résumé.
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“But that would mean less money for us and more money for you.”
“But that would mean less money for us and more money for you.”
Well, that is pretty hard to argue with.
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“I just spent all the company money on fresh, organic raspberries.”
“I just spent all the company money on fresh, organic raspberries.”
Yes, fresh fruit is expensive, but margins can’t be that tight.
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“You cannot get a raise from that which you cannot see!”
“You cannot get a raise from that which you cannot see!”
To be fair, your boss’s arsenal of smoke bombs and flash grenades is pretty impressive.
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“A loser like you doesn’t need more money.”
“A loser like you doesn’t need more money.”
You’d only do something pathetic with it.
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“You have to recruit 30 more NutriShake Salepreneurs this month to become a Gold-Tier Sales Superstar.”
“You have to recruit 30 more NutriShake Salepreneurs this month to become a Gold-Tier Sales Superstar.”
On the bright side, you’re so close to earning a 5% discount on that time-share in Florida.
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“Even if I gave you a raise, it wouldn’t matter, because money is just paper that the government tricks us into thinking has value—but it doesn’t!”
“Even if I gave you a raise, it wouldn’t matter, because money is just paper that the government tricks us into thinking has value—but it doesn’t!”
Too many employers would rather blow your mind than pay you enough to eat.
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“You give me one first.”
“You give me one first.”
Pretty unfair considering you asked before they did.
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“We have to wait until Q5.”
“We have to wait until Q5.”
For some reason, your promotion is coming in Q5, too.
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“We already promised to give all our record profits to our shareholders.”
“We already promised to give all our record profits to our shareholders.”
At least they’re being honest.
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“Save 20 more lives, and we’ll see.”
“Save 20 more lives, and we’ll see.”
This is a common excuse administrators make even though they know hospitals make money when the patients die, too.
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“You don’t got the moxie to make it in this business, kid.”
“You don’t got the moxie to make it in this business, kid.”
Don’t let them faze you; you’ve got moxie spilling out your ears.
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“Unfortunately, those funds are necessary to fuel my cocaine addiction.”
“Unfortunately, those funds are necessary to fuel my cocaine addiction.”
But definitely check in next year, when your boss may have a better hold on his demons.
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“The world is ending at 6:43 a.m. tomorrow.”
“The world is ending at 6:43 a.m. tomorrow.”
If that’s the case, then they should have no problem giving you a modest raise.
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“The economy.”
“The economy.”
No one really knows what this means. Nod your head and accept it.
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[They turn their empty pockets inside out.]
[They turn their empty pockets inside out.]
Well, if they don’t got it, they don’t got it.
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“You’re really bad at your job.”
“You’re really bad at your job.”
They may have a point there.
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“Things have been a little tight ever since we started raking in record profits.”
“Things have been a little tight ever since we started raking in record profits.”
That sounds bad. You’re lucky you have a job at all!
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“You’ve only been here 43 years.”
“You’ve only been here 43 years.”
Your boss may try to minimize your tenure by saying you didn’t start until the Carter administration.
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“You’re fired.”
“You’re fired.”
Not so tough now without your little job, are you?
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