Excuses Employers Use To Not Give You A Raise

Excuses Employers Use To Not Give You A Raise

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Money might be fake, but your boss’s reluctance to pay you isn’t. Here are common excuses employers will use to avoid giving you a hard-earned raise.

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“I don’t really want to.”

“I don’t really want to.”

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You’ve got to respect them at least a little bit for being honest.

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“Many other companies in our sector are also treating employees like shit.”

“Many other companies in our sector are also treating employees like shit.”

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At least you know you can’t hope for better elsewhere.

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“Your golf-related small talk lacks depth.”

“Your golf-related small talk lacks depth.”

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They can tell you overstated golf conversation skills on your résumé.

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“But that would mean less money for us and more money for you.”

“But that would mean less money for us and more money for you.”

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Well, that is pretty hard to argue with.

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“I just spent all the company money on fresh, organic raspberries.”

“I just spent all the company money on fresh, organic raspberries.”

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Yes, fresh fruit is expensive, but margins can’t be that tight.

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“You cannot get a raise from that which you cannot see!”

“You cannot get a raise from that which you cannot see!”

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To be fair, your boss’s arsenal of smoke bombs and flash grenades is pretty impressive.

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“​A loser like you doesn’t need more money.”

“​A loser like you doesn’t need more money.”

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You’d only do something pathetic with it.

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“You have to recruit 30 more NutriShake Salepreneurs this month to become a Gold-Tier Sales Superstar.”

“You have to recruit 30 more NutriShake Salepreneurs this month to become a Gold-Tier Sales Superstar.”

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On the bright side, you’re so close to earning a 5% discount on that time-share in Florida.

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“Even if I gave you a raise, it wouldn’t matter, because money is just paper that the government tricks us into thinking has value—but it doesn’t!”

“Even if I gave you a raise, it wouldn’t matter, because money is just paper that the government tricks us into thinking has value—but it doesn’t!”

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Too many employers would rather blow your mind than pay you enough to eat.

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“You give me one first.”

“You give me one first.”

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Pretty unfair considering you asked before they did.

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“We have to wait until Q5.”

“We have to wait until Q5.”

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For some reason, your promotion is coming in Q5, too.

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“We already promised to give all our record profits to our shareholders.”

“We already promised to give all our record profits to our shareholders.”

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At least they’re being honest.

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“Save 20 more lives, and we’ll see.”

“Save 20 more lives, and we’ll see.”

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This is a common excuse administrators make even though they know hospitals make money when the patients die, too.

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“You don’t got the moxie to make it in this business, kid.”

“You don’t got the moxie to make it in this business, kid.”

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Don’t let them faze you; you’ve got moxie spilling out your ears.

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“Unfortunately, those funds are necessary to fuel my cocaine addiction.”

“Unfortunately, those funds are necessary to fuel my cocaine addiction.”

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But definitely check in next year, when your boss may have a better hold on his demons.

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“The world is ending at 6:43 a.m. tomorrow.”

“The world is ending at 6:43 a.m. tomorrow.”

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If that’s the case, then they should have no problem giving you a modest raise.

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“The economy.”

“The economy.”

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No one really knows what this means. Nod your head and accept it.

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[They turn their empty pockets inside out.]

[They turn their empty pockets inside out.]

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Well, if they don’t got it, they don’t got it.

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“You’re really bad at your job.”

“You’re really bad at your job.”

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They may have a point there.

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“Things have been a little tight ever since we started raking in record profits.”

“Things have been a little tight ever since we started raking in record profits.”

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That sounds bad. You’re lucky you have a job at all!

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“You’ve only been here 43 years.”

“You’ve only been here 43 years.”

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Your boss may try to minimize your tenure by saying you didn’t start until the Carter administration.

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“You’re fired.”

“You’re fired.”

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Not so tough now without your little job, are you?

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