Excuses To Get Out Of Work That Bosses See Right Through

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Your boss may be stupid, but they’re not that stupid. Here are common excuses people use to get out of work that management will see right through.

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“I have a doctor’s appointment.”

Yeah right. Your boss is neither providing healthcare or paying you enough to go to the doctor.

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“I’m having menstrual cramps.”

Nice try, but you know your manager keeps track of ovulation cycles for any employee of childbearing age.

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“I am 8 years old.”

Pretty much every child labor law contains loopholes if you know how to find them.

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“I don’t work here, I’m just a client.”

Likely story, now find a desk and sit there until 5 p.m. or else you’re fired.

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“The blood moon has risen.”

Your boss is not a pious man, so he may not be as fearful of a wrathful God as you are.

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“My son is in the hospital.”

Sounds like you’ve got childcare squared away for the week, then.

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“I’m a werewolf and it’s a full moon tonight, also I have a dentist appointment tomorrow.”

Try to keep your lies simple. “Tonight is a full moon” is a good enough excuse on its own.

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“I’ve reached a metaphysical plane inaccessible to mortal flesh and temporal concerns.”

Wouldn’t even matter as clocking in is mandatory regardless of which plane your essence is occupying at the moment.

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“I’m too busy sexually harassing my female coworkers.”

Remember that sometimes you can be more in trouble for your excuse than for simply not showing up to work.

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“Oh are we supposed to come in on National Pancake Day?”

You know damn well that’s the busiest day of the year.

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“I spilled McDonald’s coffee on my lap that was way too hot, gave me third-degree burns, and now I’m in a highly public court case that became a flashpoint for tort reform in the U.S.”

There’s no way the coffee was that hot.

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“I have another job that I’m going to be late for.”

They know. You showed up to work today in the wrong uniform.

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“The cruise ship is sinking.”

Somebody needs to keep playing the violin as people are being evacuated.

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“I am currently bleeding out after being stabbed in the abdomen.”

Nice try, but last time your boss checked, most of your organs were still intact and you still have a pulse.

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“I’m too busy having an affair with your wife to come in today.”

He already knows you sleep together while he’s out golfing on the weekends, not during the workweek.

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“My religious beliefs preclude me from working on December 25.”

Sniffing out made up holidays has always been one of your boss’ key strengths.

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“Sadly, I died suddenly in my sleep last night.”

Your boss can see you texting from your cubicle, dummy.

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“It’s Saturday.”

And that stops you from doing work how?

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“I quit.”

Yeah right. See you tomorrow.