The documents below are part of a trove of classified files provided to The Onion by an anonymous whistleblower in the White House. All of these documents can be found here.


Executive Orders Establishing Trump As The Legitimate President

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Fill-In-The-Blanks Executive Order Template

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Executive Order Allowing Steve Bannon To Execute The President

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Executive Order Reanimating Osama Bin Laden

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Executive Order Declaring All White House Items Once Belonged To Lincoln

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Executive Order Designating Grand Canyon As Morgue

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Executive Order On Theseus Protocol

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Executive Order On Lighthouses

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