WASHINGTON—Noting that an ounce of concern for the enfranchisement of citizens was crucial to the system of government, a consortium of political theorists confirmed Wednesday that a functional democracy generally requires at least one party to care about voting rights. “If you start from the premise that a government’s power is derived from the consent of the governed, and that the conferring of such power is contingent upon our freedom to cast a ballot, then there must be—at minimum—one major party that gives a shit about letting people vote,” said Georgetown University political scientist Lawrence Rupar, who added that studies of democracies throughout history had found that 100% failed when none of the people in power “so much as lifted a fucking finger” to ensure all eligible voters could participate in elections. “Now, in an ideal system, one in which democracy truly flourishes, you would need all of the parties to rally around the cause of voting rights. But if none of them do? Well, then it doesn’t work at all.” Reached for further comment, the team of experts confirmed the United States was not a functional democracy.