FORT LAUDERDALE, FL—With Hurricane Dorian now expected to make landfall in Florida as a Category 4 storm, wildlife experts warned Thursday that the state’s wild Sea-Doos were at risk. “The vast majority of Florida’s native Sea-Doos mate and reproduce in low-lying coastal areas that could be ravaged by Dorian,” said biologist Tamara Johns, confirming that the storm poses a huge threat to the state’s once robust personal watercraft population, which has been impacted by factors that include rampant human interference and boat propellers. “After Hurricane Irma hit in 2017, we saw a huge Sea-Doo die-off in the Lake Okeechobee region, and it may still take another five years for their numbers to rebound. Anytime winds reach 130 mph, it’s common to find Sea-Doos washed up all along the shoreline, and if we don’t work to rehabilitate these populations, our grandchildren may never know the joy of watching a young Sea-Doo frolic in the ocean waves.” Experts have instructed Florida residents who encounter a Sea-Doo in distress to call local authorities instead of attempting to render assistance themselves, as the species is known to become very aggressive under duress.
More from The Onion
The Con Pays Off: After Years Of Feigning Interest, George R.R. Martin Has Bolted From The ‘Elden Ring’ Offices With All The Topless Elf Concept Art His Arms Can Carry