Illustration for article titled Experts Warn Unemployment Rate Could Soon Rise To America Is The Greatest Country In The World

WASHINGTON—Following weeks of mounting job losses amidst a worldwide pandemic, top economists in the Trump administration warned Friday that the national unemployment rate could continue its rise to the United States is the greatest country in the history of the world. “As today’s report from the Bureau of Labor Statistics indicates, our job market has reached America is truly a shining city upon a hill, a nation whose beacon light guides freedom-loving people everywhere,” White House economic adviser Kevin Hassett said as he gestured toward a graph that showed the U.S. jobless percentage climbing precipitously toward an image of Old Glory herself, which waved majestically in the wind, a halo of dazzling fireworks bursting around her stars and stripes. “This is a worrisome trajectory that may yet lead to USA! USA! USA! Our projections indicate no one can ever take away the liberty we enjoy, not so long as there are brave men and women willing to fight and die to protect it. At this rate, freedom is practically doubling overnight. We could very well see historic levels of pride dwelling in the heart of every American patriot, which makes us the strongest, bravest nation on the face of this earth. No one else even comes close. No way, no how.” Hassett concluded his statement to reporters by confirming data now showed God Bless America, Land of the Free, Home of the Brave.

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