Extremely Illegal Things You Actually Do Every Day

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Yes, even if you’re white, this list applies to you. Here are extremely illegal things you actually do every day.

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Software Piracy

Humiliating piracy laws in the United States require that you pay for Microsoft Word like a total chump.

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Take The Lord’s Name In Vain

God’s law is still law, and should you besmirch name of The Almighty, thou shalt be banished to Hell to burn in eternity.

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Planting Evidence On Suspects

Guess you’re going to have to beat a confession out of this one.

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Calling Elderly Women Claiming To Be Their Grandson Caught In A Mexican Prison

Frankly, it takes too much time to explain how to wire money into a Western Union account anyways.

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Betting On Hog Races

We’re sorry, ’Pa. Really, we thought Luella was gonna win for sure!

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Murdering Roommate In An Argument

It’s just one of those things, isn’t it? So common as to be unnoticeable? Who even cares, right? Right?

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Taking Pictures Of The Earth

All parts of Earth are subject to copyright by The Planet Earth LLC and should never be photographed without permission.

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Eating Trademarked Foods Without Paying Royalties

Many people don’t realize they actually owe McDonald’s 5.7% per ounce every time they eat a Big Mac.

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Sniping Pedestrians From Your Rooftop

Unfortunately, the top of your apartment building is not the altitude equivalent of international waters.

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Serving As Pilot-In-Command Of An MU-2B Series Airplane In A Flight Into Known Or Forecast Icing Conditions Without Icing Awareness Training

No excuses on this one.

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War With The Sinaloa Cartel

It’s technically a legal no-no, but that doesn’t stop everyday Americans from dispatching paramilitary units to topple the drug cartel formerly run by the infamous “El Chapo.”

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Letting Your Dog Drive

Until he has passed the written portion of his permit exam, Ginger The Bernedoodle cannot legally log his practice hours.

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Practicing Magic Without A License

The punishment in Alabama for even just a basic card trick is a hefty $20,000 fine and 10 years in prison.

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Texting While Driving In The Indianapolis 500

Not only is this illegal, but it’s probably the reason you keep finishing last.

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Posting A Bootleg Video Of Dear Evan Hansen

Yeah, every one of us had our phase where we snuck a camcorder into Broadway hits and secretly recorded. But the fact that you’re uploading a new performance every week could draw a lot of heat.

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Taking $2 Million In Cash From The Scene Of A Drug Deal Gone Bad In The Desert

Oh, don’t you worry. El Jefe will get you for this soon enough.

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Being Poor

While a lot of places look the other way, places that matter, like cities, often enforce myriad laws to make living below the poverty line a crime.

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Orchestrating A Multibillion Dollar Embezzlement Scheme

Only if you get caught, though.