IRVING, TEXAS—Hailing the new gas stations as a “one-of-a-kind” refueling experience, ExxonMobil officials announced Wednesday that they had created a custom, eight-course gasoline tasting menu for luxury cars. “When vehicles pull up to one of our ExxonMobil prix fixe gas stations, they should feel like they are going on a journey around the world that allows them to experience the nuances of petroleum like they’ve never experienced before,” said CEO Darren Woods, adding that the multi-course menu, which is reportedly poured by a white-gloved gas attendant from crystal decanters, includes gasolines that are hand-refined, barrel-aged, and sourced from all over the Middle East. “While the appetizer tans of pure ethanol is meant to shock the vehicle’s palate, the subsequent main course tanks should evoke more familiar notes of crude oil, which are designed to feel more whimsical and fun. And finally, after a quick palate cleanser, our dessert course includes a rare, unfiltered combustible that hasn’t been tapped since 1942.” At press time, ExxonMobil had to temporarily shut down the program after a rise in gas prices caused the cost of the multi-course tasting menu to skyrocket to $5,000.
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