EL DORADO, MD—Long after historians, explorers, and even the most dedicated treasure hunters had given up the fabled lost city of gold as apocryphal, El Dorado has finally been discovered a few hundred yards off the I-95 Interstate outside Baltimore. “The conquistadors sought it in South America, Ponce de León looked for it all over Florida, but you take the exit like you’re headed to White Marsh and it’s pretty much right there,” said archeologist Robert Collier, noting that the 50-acre complex of solid gold temples and crypts had been obscured for decades by an array of billboards for legal help and check-cashing services. “It was definitely surprising to find a massive golden city sandwiched between the frontage road and a strip mall, but it’s also kind of a tricky exit with a three-way stop, unless you’re making a right turn, but then people stop anyway, you know how it is. And a lot of people get sidetracked because there’s a fireworks superstore across the street. Nevertheless, a truly amazing find.” Archaeologists are calling the discovery the most significant and unexpected discovery since the sunken city of Atlantis was found in the Woodfield mall parking lot in Schaumburg, IL.