Illustration for article titled Facebook Status Update Field Dreading What Area Man About To Type Into It

NEW YORK—Bracing itself as the 37-year-old opened the app in evident frustration, the status update bar at the top of area man Peter Daigle’s Facebook news feed expressed a profound sense of dread Tuesday about whatever the man was about to type into it, sources confirmed. “Oh God, he’s really worked up about something—I don’t want to think about what’s coming,” reported the text field, noting with dismay that Daigle had immediately enabled his phone’s caps-lock feature and set his sharing option to “Public.” “Christ, a few of the first words are pretty badly misspelled, and he definitely isn’t slowing down to correct them. Oh no, now he’s adding a link. Jesus, I can’t even look.” At press time, sources confirmed the status box was frantically attempting to crash Daigle’s app after he had finished entering the phrase “It’s time someone came out and said this.”

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