WASHINGTON—Expressing remorse for disparaging an organization with such a noble mission, the nation’s Facebook users admitted they were ashamed of criticizing the social media company after seeing its heartwarming “Here Together” advertising campaign, sources confirmed Thursday. “My God, what were we thinking?” said Lucas Balfo, 32, one of the millions of users who deeply regretted condemning the company for its privacy violations once he watched the minute-long advertisement featuring soft piano music and footage of emotionally stirring Facebook posts such as a mother kissing her child and a soldier returning home from deployment while a voiceover explains how the company will be doing more to keep users safe and feel a “little less alone.” “How could we have been so blind? I slandered them for selling user data to third-party advertisers without permission, but now I see they were just trying to connect us to those we care about. To think that I was so ignorant as to attack them for psychologically manipulating their users when all they wanted to do was make us all feel closer—I can’t even look at myself in the mirror anymore. All along, I was the true monster.” At press time, the nation’s Facebook users were relieved that their protests didn’t end up having any palpable effect and left the company relatively unscathed.
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