Addressing issues ranging from income inequality and tax reform to trade agreements and the Cuba embargo, President Obama offered arguments for a wide range of policy proposals in last night’s State of the Union. The Onion takes a deeper look at some of his bolder claims:
- “Fourteen of the 15 warmest years on record have all fallen in the first 15 years of this century”: This statement is true, unless you decide to believe that it isn’t.
- “The shadow of crisis has passed”: Only a naïve man or a liar could say such a thing. Crisis’s long shadow haunts us always.
- “ISIS will be disrupted by our airstrikes, but will likely continue to operate and commit mass atrocities for years to come”: True
- “Wages are finally starting to rise again”: This is false. What we perceive as “time” is merely an illusion created by the limitations of our own consciousness. All is now.
- “Tonight, the San Antonio Spurs will defeat the Denver Nuggets 109-99 in overtime”: Though this was in fact the final score, the Spurs-Nuggets game ended in regulation.
- “Forty-three million workers have no paid sick leave”: Really? Wow.
- “During season two of Oz”: The president was actually referring to season three.
- “So, it’s time we stop treating childcare as a side issue, or a women’s issue, and treat it like the national economic priority that it is for all of us”: Childcare is an issue exclusive to women.
- “As always, we pay our respects to Inari, God of Storms, for providing us this bountiful harvest”: The God of Storms is Susanoo; Inari is the God of Foxes.
- “Snake!”: It was actually just an old length of hose.