Family At Zoo Fans Out Into Wedge Formation To Achieve Dominance Of Sidewalk

Illustration for article titled Family At Zoo Fans Out Into Wedge Formation To Achieve Dominance Of Sidewalk

SAN DIEGO—Adopting the tactical maneuver immediately upon deployment at the San Diego Zoo, the Blanchard family of Chula Vista, CA fanned out into a classic wedge formation in order to assert, achieve, and maintain dominance of the sidewalk, sources confirmed Friday. “With the parents at the tip and the children spread out in a textbook ‘flying V’ pattern, the family quickly advanced upon major pedestrian pathways, forming a barrier that was all but impregnable,” said zoo official Gabe Simmons, who confirmed the configuration had allowed the Blanchards to take ground at an unparalleled rate, smashing through lines to reach key strategic areas such as the Monkey Trail and Panda Canyon. “At this point, they’ve built up so much momentum that large contingents of strollers, mobility scooters, and second-graders on field trips are powerless to stop them from running roughshod over every walkway in the zoo. It all happened so fast, we just never saw it coming.” At press time, the triumphant Blanchards had reportedly occupied the entire food court.