MARBLEHEAD, MA—Explaining the limited extent of their genealogical knowledge, members of the Dunbar family confirmed Wednesday that they could trace their ancestry back to whatever the hell it was that grandma was always talking about. “We start to lose track of our family origins around the time that Grammy always yammered on about when she immigrated from some boring country, wherever that was,” said family member Lacie Dunbar, adding that the matriarch had almost certainly come from somewhere in Europe, and there was a whole thing with her wedding to Grampy, but she couldn’t recall any of the specifics. “She grew up poor or had a tough time or something, I’m pretty sure, but that doesn’t narrow it down. She constantly went on and on with these repetitive stories about the food and stuff she did as a kid. And we’ve seen some old photos of her but she was just standing in a field, so that could be basically anywhere. I think we have an uncle somewhere in Florida that might have some more info, although now that I think about it, he might be on the other side of the family.” At press time, Dunbar told reporters she was just going to tell people she was Irish.
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