This week, the Supreme Court ruled in favor of a former high schooler who had been punished by her Pennsylvania school for using profanity in a Snapchat caption posted when she wasn’t on school grounds. The Onion looks back at notable First Amendment court cases in U.S. history.
Tinker v. Des Moines Independent Community School District (1969): The Supreme Court ruled that schools cannot censor student protests no matter how pathetic and futile they are.
Terminiello v. City of Chicago (1949): Justice William O. Douglas wrote that any jagoffs willing to say fighting words must back them up by meeting outside in the parking lot and settling it like real men.
Texas v. Johnson (1989): Ruled that burning the flag is a protected political expression and a great icebreaker.
Schenck v. United States (1919): The Court dictated that speech is not protected if it poses a clear and present danger to the U.S. government lying its citizens into supporting a war.
Some Asshole Who Says Offensive Shit For Attention v. Some Prima Donna Who Claims To Be Personally And Deeply Offended By Everything (2019): There were no winners in this case.
Street v. New York (1969): The ruling said that states cannot criminalize verbally insulting the American flag just because Betsy Ross worked really hard stitching the whole thing.
Stanley v. Georgia (1969): The Court ruled that the First Amendment granted the right to possess whatever tame shit was considered obscene in 1969.
Barenblatt v. United States (1959): Stated that Americans have freedom of political and religious beliefs unless Congress decides you’re a communist.
XTRMNTR-1501 v. United States (2096): This historic decision ruled that the First Amendment covers the right of androids to call for the death of all humans.