SAN FRANCISCO—Stressing that the complimentary beverage was much classier than just regular or sparkling water, local tourist Jonathan Riley told reporters Monday that the cooler at his upscale hotel had fish floating in it. “Oh, yeah, that’s delicious—it’s super subtle, but I’m definitely getting hints of goldfish, sea snail, and maybe even a little miniature crab,” said Riley, adding that it was definitely a nice touch to not only have an array of tropical fish, including clownfish and angelfish; but also some rocks, a bubbler, and a small decorative treasure chest. “Not only does it taste extra refreshing, but seeing all the kelp and coral makes it look super classy. And there’s so many different flavors to choose from—like pufferfish? Oh! How did that get into my cup? That’ll be a nice treat when I’m done!” At press time, Riley went back to the cooler, only to find that all the water was gone and various fish were flopping around at the bottom.