CHARLOTTE, NC—Following yet another week in which his team Third Down For What emerged victorious, fantasy football star Mark Nason told reporters Thursday that he is confident he can make the leap to general manager of an NFL team. “After reaching the playoffs three of the last five years in my office league, I’ve more than proven that I have what it takes to lead any NFL franchise on a sustained run of success,” said the 31-year-old whose made his fantasy draft selections entirely according to ESPN's pre-draft rankings from a computer in his living room and whose opponents have on more than one occasion forgotten to set their rosters in time. “This year, I kicked things up a notch by selling high on a couple players coming off great weeks—it’s clear that my expert player analysis will serve me well in the pros. I’ve also been picking up a new kicker every week based on matchup, a strategy that I don’t see any NFL team even exploring yet.” At press time, Nason was reportedly engaging in what he incorrectly termed “contract negotiations” with a colleague who refused to pay the fantasy league’s entrance fee.


Tough Season: A web series about a fake sport with real NFL players. New episodes every Friday at www.theonion.com/fantasyfootball

Advertisement

Brought to you by Lenovo