AMARILLO, TX—After she was forced to carry her nonviable pregnancy to term in accordance with the state’s highly restrictive abortion ban, sources reported Wednesday that Texas doctors crowded around to observe the fucked-up thing a local woman had been legally required to give birth to. “My God…what…what are we even looking at here?” said Dr. Desmond Santiago, 73, who along with several other physicians reportedly filed into a hospital delivery room out of pure academic interest, hoping to see one of the absolutely horrifying mounds of malformed bone and flesh Americans were being compelled to bring into the world for the first time in a half century. “I didn’t go to med school until the mid-1970s, so I’ve never seen anything like it. No, this is some really primitive medicine here. We’ve had the technology to avoid this for ages, and of course no one in their right mind would choose to give birth to something like—oh dear Lord, what is that sound? Is it actually trying to breathe? Well, that won’t do it much good without a cardiovascular system.” According to reports, the doctors later nodded their heads in agreement, saying it was good thing the woman had died in childbirth and didn’t have to see any of this.
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