Americans across the country just love to cram pizza into their gaping maws. The Onion examines the most popular pizza topping in each state.
Favorite Pizza Topping In Every State
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Alabama
Alabama
Special ground beef that gay people aren’t allowed to eat
3 / 53
Alaska
Alaska
Tender snowflakes that melt upon contact with the hot grease, made all the more delectable by their inherent temporality
4 / 53
Arizona
Arizona
Shredded ballott
5 / 53
Arkansas
Arkansas
Blood pesto
6 / 53
California
California
Five almonds and a dollop of unsweetened Greek yogurt
7 / 53
Colorado
Colorado
A thin layer of Under Armour lightweight thermal nylon between sauce and cheese
8 / 53
Connecticut
Connecticut
Pizza? Really, darling, what are we, ethnics?
9 / 53
Delaware
Delaware
$50,000 cash bail
10 / 53
Florida
Florida
Drizzled ointment
11 / 53
Georgia
Georgia
Censored pepperonis
12 / 53
Hawaii
Hawaii
Famous for its controversial combination of beef and kiwi
13 / 53
Idaho
Idaho
Marshmallow sausage
14 / 53
Illinois
Illinois
Another pizza
15 / 53
Indiana
Indiana
Haven’t been able to taste anything since March 2020
16 / 53
Iowa
Iowa
A blue ribbon
17 / 53
Kansas
Kansas
Pizza? Who said anything about pizza? You’ll be eating pork chops just like everybody else tonight, young man.
18 / 53
Kentucky
Kentucky
Caramelized tobacco
19 / 53
Louisiana
Louisiana
Reptile Lovers
20 / 53
Maine
Maine
As long as the box features a caricature of an Italian buffoon, they’re happy
21 / 53
Maryland
Maryland
Moisture
22 / 53
Massachusetts
Massachusetts
Pepperoni arranged to spell a slur
23 / 53
Michigan
Michigan
Scrap metal
24 / 53
Minnesota
Minnesota
Fried snow
25 / 53
Mississippi
Mississippi
Lethal dose of pentobarbital
26 / 53
Missouri
Missouri
Diet pills
27 / 53
Montana
Montana
Whole elk
28 / 53
Nebraska
Nebraska
Garlicky cud
29 / 53
Nevada
Nevada
Hole cut in piping hot slice with male genitals pushed through
30 / 53
New Hampshire
New Hampshire
Crust stuffed with opioids
31 / 53
New Jersey
New Jersey
A thick coat of hairspray
32 / 53
New Mexico
New Mexico
Peyote
33 / 53
New York
New York
No matter what, it’s overrated
34 / 53
North Carolina
North Carolina
Barbecued cheese
35 / 53
North Dakota
North Dakota
Pupperoni
36 / 53
Ohio
Ohio
High-fructose pizza syrup
37 / 53
Oklahoma
Oklahoma
Whatever ‘tarnation’ is
38 / 53
Oregon
Oregon
Twenty micrograms psilocybin mushroom on 7-millimeter-long pizza slice, eaten once every six hours.
39 / 53
Pennsylvania
Pennsylvania
Steel-stuffed crust
40 / 53
Rhode Island
Rhode Island
Abominations from the deep
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South Carolina
South Carolina
If you can kill it, they will put it on a pizza
42 / 53
South Dakota
South Dakota
Prairie dog colony
43 / 53
Tennessee
Tennessee
Nothing, for there is no pizza topping that can please the Lord
44 / 53
Texas
Texas
Spittoon refuse
45 / 53
Utah
Utah
Pizza prohibited by the Mormon church for its ability to incite lust
46 / 53
Vermont
Vermont
Artful leaf tracings
47 / 53
Virginia
Virginia
Artichokes originally owned by Thomas Jefferson
48 / 53
Washington
Washington
Sausage eaten off nude 83-year-old lying on boardroom table
49 / 53
West Virginia
West Virginia
The abstract concept of friendliness
50 / 53
Wisconsin
Wisconsin
Always eat it all before ever noticing what the toppings are
51 / 53
Wyoming
Wyoming
Crushed red pepper blowing cold and calm across the grainy crusts, a few specks of green spinach amidst the scrub and chaparral, with extra cheese
52 / 53
You’ve Made It This Far...
You’ve Made It This Far...
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