
Americans across the country just love to cram pizza into their gaping maws. The Onion examines the most popular pizza topping in each state.
Americans across the country just love to cram pizza into their gaping maws. The Onion examines the most popular pizza topping in each state.
Special ground beef that gay people aren’t allowed to eat
Tender snowflakes that melt upon contact with the hot grease, made all the more delectable by their inherent temporality
Shredded ballott
Blood pesto
Five almonds and a dollop of unsweetened Greek yogurt
A thin layer of Under Armour lightweight thermal nylon between sauce and cheese
Pizza? Really, darling, what are we, ethnics?
$50,000 cash bail
Drizzled ointment
Censored pepperonis
Famous for its controversial combination of beef and kiwi
Marshmallow sausage
Another pizza
Haven’t been able to taste anything since March 2020
A blue ribbon
Pizza? Who said anything about pizza? You’ll be eating pork chops just like everybody else tonight, young man.
Caramelized tobacco
Reptile Lovers
As long as the box features a caricature of an Italian buffoon, they’re happy
Moisture
Pepperoni arranged to spell a slur
Scrap metal
Fried snow
Lethal dose of pentobarbital
Diet pills
Whole elk
Garlicky cud
Hole cut in piping hot slice with male genitals pushed through
Crust stuffed with opioids
A thick coat of hairspray
Peyote
No matter what, it’s overrated
Barbecued cheese
Pupperoni
High-fructose pizza syrup
Whatever ‘tarnation’ is
Twenty micrograms psilocybin mushroom on 7-millimeter-long pizza slice, eaten once every six hours.
Steel-stuffed crust
Abominations from the deep
If you can kill it, they will put it on a pizza
Prairie dog colony
Nothing, for there is no pizza topping that can please the Lord
Spittoon refuse
Pizza prohibited by the Mormon church for its ability to incite lust
Artful leaf tracings
Artichokes originally owned by Thomas Jefferson
Sausage eaten off nude 83-year-old lying on boardroom table
The abstract concept of friendliness
Always eat it all before ever noticing what the toppings are
Crushed red pepper blowing cold and calm across the grainy crusts, a few specks of green spinach amidst the scrub and chaparral, with extra cheese