SILVER SPRING, MD—Acknowledging the need to issue federal guidelines before the season’s crisp, cooler weather spread across the country, a special advisory committee of the Food and Drug Administration reportedly met Monday to formulate recommendations for hearty autumn soup recipes. “While we have agreed that carrots, parsnips, and sweet potatoes are all wholesome ingredients, we have yet to set forth official guidance on which of these root vegetables will make the most robust, nourishing soup for Americans this fall,” said Michael C. Rodgers, chair of the 45-member committee, which unanimously approved recipes for French vegetable, lobster-tomato bisque, and both New England and Manhattan clam chowders, but disagreed over whether split peas or lentils made for the heartiest legume-based soups. “We need to publish our guidelines as soon as possible, because temperatures are dropping and it will soon be time for Americans to get as cozy as possible by settling in with a nice steaming bowl of soup on a chilly day. At present, we have approved the use of store-bought broth in households where homemade stock is not available, but we remain deadlocked over whether recipes that call for bouillon cubes can produce adequate levels of heartiness.” At press time, reports confirmed the meeting was interrupted and committee members were evacuated from FDA headquarters after the building was stormed by hundreds of anti-roasted-butternut-squash activists.
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