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FDA Requires Cigarette Packs Have Image Of Cigarette Pack Which Itself Has Smaller Image Of Cigarette Pack To Make Smokers Question Where This All Ends

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SILVER SPRING, MD—Issuing its latest regulations governing the sale of tobacco products, the Food and Drug Administration announced Tuesday that cigarette packs would now be required to feature an image of a cigarette pack, which itself must bear a smaller image of a cigarette pack, which in turn will have an even smaller image of a cigarette pack, and so on, forcing smokers to ask where this all ends. “In addition to cigarettes containing critical health warnings, we are hoping this photo of the pack recursively appearing within itself in tinier and tinier versions that seem to go on forever will really give tobacco users something to wrap their heads around,” said FDA representative Samuel Viejo, adding that numerous studies had concluded that having a picture of a cigarette pack on a cigarette pack ad infinitum caused smokers to wonder whether they were developing a habit that might continue on and on and on, far beyond the bounds of human comprehension. “We may well see a drop in the smoking rate if people realize they cannot begin to fathom where their tobacco use will lead them, knowing only that it stretches perpetually onward into the deep, unknowable void. Speaking for myself, I can say that staring at this new packaging for a few minutes gave me a headache that will certainly make me think twice about ever picking up a cigarette.” The announcement comes on the heels of an FDA regulation issued last week that required all fast food establishments to display each menu item’s calorie content as the square root of negative one.