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Ferret Owner Under Impression Any Of Her Other Characteristics Matter

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MILWAUKEE, WI—Displaying a woeful lack of understanding for how others perceived her, local ferret owner Ashleigh Bardell was reportedly under the impression that any of her other characteristics mattered, sources confirmed Tuesday. “As soon as she uttered the words ‘This is my pet black sable, Jellybean,’ I completely filtered out whatever else she was saying and could only comprehend that she had a ferret,” said acquaintance Lance Snow, confirming that physical details such as Bardell’s height, weight, and hair color completely failed to register after this moment and that he would only remember her from this point on as “the ferret woman.” “I couldn’t tell you where she grew up, her job, or how old she was. But I do definitely recall that she owned a ferret. That, and apparently her ferret can be a little temperamental sometimes and once bit her on the arm. Otherwise, everything is a complete blank.” At press time, Bardell was reportedly engaged in some wholly irrelevant pastime or activity that bore no connection to her ownership of a ferret.