KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Making sure to use all the time they had remaining to leave the country with a strong national identity and political stability, the final U.S. soldiers in Afghanistan reportedly did some last-second nation-building Monday on the way to the plane as they completed their evacuation. “We were heading in that direction anyway, so we figured we’d help them figure out how to make a self-sustaining democratic political institution real quick,” said U.S. Army captain Aaron Muehlstein, thrusting copies of the U.S. Constitution into the hands of desperate Afghans begging to flee the country as the soldiers shouted their final attempts to promote a civil society and robust market-oriented economy while boarding the last cargo plane leaving the airport. “Take a role in the world community! Remember your democratic values! Foreign diplomacy! Education is key! And women and girls—don’t forget to empower them!” At press time, the U.S. soldiers were waving farewell to the Afghans as the Taliban destroyed the last remnants of U.S. occupation.