NEW YORK—With the nation almost certainly headed toward a recession, a coalition of top financial analysts announced Monday that they would be willing to discuss the economic future of the U.S. at any time for a negotiable fee of $5. "There are many complicated factors that will dictate the direction the economy will take in the coming months," said commodity trading adviser Lucas Brockton, who repeatedly urged reporters at the press conference to leave any empty soda cans with him before they left. "We are more than happy to talk about these factors at length just as soon as we can get a wink from Mr. Lincoln, if you catch my drift." As of press time, the analysts were considering an offer of $3.50 and half a turkey sandwich.
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