SARASOTA, FL—Consternation reportedly struck local sales lead Ryan Carlyle Wednesday after his first conversation with a new coworker went off like absolute shit. “Hard to say if I could’ve fucked up what should have been a normal introductory exchange worse than I did,” said Carlyle following a strained three-minute interaction with a new coworker in which he forgot to ask their name, stumbled over a trivial remark about local food options, and made a mean joke about another coworker that the man didn’t seem to understand was a joke. “Christ, I botched that one completely. I went up to him, too, so it wasn’t like he caught me off guard either. It was definitely on me to keep the conversation going, and I just blanked on what the normal questions are for someone you’re meeting for the first time. I should’ve just said a couple things welcoming him to the office, but no, I started talking about my wife getting sick last night, like he wants to hear about that, and then I really shouldn’t have said that thing about our boss. Well, I guess the only option is never speaking to him again.” Carlyle reportedly confided that the worst part about the horrible first conversation with his new coworker is that he would have to tell his Amway regional manager that he botched it with a potential recruit.
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