BAY CITY, MI—Apparently thinking nothing of casually showing up in its ecosystem as if everything was hunky-dory, the blackfin cisco, a fish species not seen since the 1960s, reportedly thought it could waltz back into local marine biologist Margie Kremlow’s life on Wednesday just like that. “Well, well, well, look who it is, just strolling back into existence and expecting me to drop everything to study its fertilization patterns,” said Kremlow, recounting how she spent years trying to find the salmonid freshwater whitefish after it suddenly disappeared, feeling like a complete idiot as she worriedly checked all of its old habitats. “I write my whole thesis on your ovuliparity and then you just up and vanish on me? Well, guess what? I don’t care how your species has progressed, I really don’t. I’m studying the Chinook salmon now, and they’re plentiful. They’ll always be there when I need them.” At press time, a pathetic Kremlow had come crawling back and was charting out the dates when the female ciscoes shed their gametes.

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