EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum, adding that the eight different preloaded songs will help fetuses grow the thalamic brain connections needed to process sound. “It all pops right into the uterus with the included laparoscopic installation kit and can easily be adjusted as the fetus continues to grow more cell tissue. Once the fetus develops into a viable infant and is finally delivered, the playset is simply expelled as afterbirth.” At press time, Fisher-Price was rapidly recalling the playset for pinching off umbilical cords and depriving fetuses of oxygen.

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