PALM BEACH, FL—Breaking down under pressure while watching the Senate trial on television, a flustered Donald Trump reportedly confessed Wednesday that he only murdered his mistress because he loved her. “Alright, alright, I did it—but only because I was scared she was going to leave me,” said Trump, who delivered the confession completely unprompted before a team of startled aides during a meeting at his Mar-a-Lago estate. “I panicked, okay? I loved her so much, and I didn’t want to hurt her. I just knew we would never be happy apart. One moment I had my hands around her neck, and the next Suzette was dead in my arms. I barely remember what happened. It was like a switch flipped and I blacked out. I spent an hour holding her lifeless body and caressing her hair. Is it a crime to be in love? To love too much!?” At press time, the former president was on his knees screaming that Suzette wouldn’t want him to be locked away.