SOUTH HADLEY, MA—Recalling the joyful experience from its youth, a local fly reportedly reminisced Tuesday about the time it had gotten to perch on a popsicle stick for a few seconds. “Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my share of adventures in this crazy world, but no matter where my travels take me, I’ll always cherish that long-ago memory of alighting on a slightly damp wooden stick and taking a couple of steps,” said the fly, telling reporters that while it knew it was probably looking back on the experience with rose-colored glasses, it truly believed there was something magical about the taste of the cherry flavor on its feet. “I’ve tried explaining the simple wonder of high fructose corn syrup to some of today’s maggots, but they just don’t understand—for them, the world begins and ends with the rotting cheeseburger they grew up in. They think I’m a sentimental old fool, and heck, I suppose I am.” At press time, the fly was reflecting bittersweetly on the high highs and low lows of life after being sprayed with bleach.
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