SAN JOSE, CA—With estimates ranging from “two marshmallows smushed together” to “the size of a basketball,” fourth-graders at Greystone Elementary differed in opinion over how much their allergic classmate’s face swelled up during recess, sources said Friday. “Caleb said Eric’s face puffed up like a bag of microwave popcorn, but it wasn’t even half that size,” said 9-year-old Dillon Porter, adding that multiple reports of the inflammation being purple and oozing were also inaccurate. “And then Katie said his forehead got all huge, but she wasn’t nearly as close as me or Ryan were. It might have gotten a little lumpy over one of his eyes, but that’s it. He did sort of look like a puffer fish, though, like Brendan said.” Porter went on to say that despite the controversy over the proportions of the allergic reaction, all agreed it was the grossest thing they’d ever seen.
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