NEW YORK—In an effort to cope with the stressful task of fetching coffee for demanding staffers, Fox News intern Hattie Butler reportedly told herself Friday that this would all pay off when she was named President Trump’s secretary of state one day. “It’s really tough to keep everyone’s drink orders straight, but the quick thinking and multi-tasking abilities that I’ve demonstrated during this internship will be invaluable to president Trump when I’m serving as his secretary of state,” said the 23-year-old college graduate who reassured herself that if she paid her dues by delivering the correct beverages, she would eventually earn the right to determine U.S. policies toward foreign powers and navigate complex diplomatic issues that might place the world at the brink of war. “I’m a real go-getter, and my can-do attitude would make me a great asset to the president. Not just anyone can keep a cool head while trying to remember who takes their coffee half-caff and who gets three pumps of vanilla syrup with just a splash of soy milk, but if I keep at it, I can really see this unpaid internship helping me get my foot in the door at the U.S. State Department. Maybe one day I’ll help foster peace between the United States and Puerto Rico. It’s just a matter of time before I have an intern bringing me coffee!” At press time, Butler was drafting up a resume on her iPhone to send to the White House.

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