Fox News Anchors Respond To Claims About Workplace’s Toxic Culture

Fox News Anchors Respond To Claims About Workplace’s Toxic Culture

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A former employee claimed that the network discriminated against her because of her gender while she worked at Tucker Carlson Tonight. The Onion asked Fox News anchors to respond to allegations about the workplace’s toxic culture, and this is what they said.

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Greg Gutfeld

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“Sure, we might play a little rough around here, but that’s how you know we all vehemently hate each other.”

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Sean Hannity

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“I agree that it’s incredibly toxic how upset people get when I hurl racial epithets at them.”

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Tucker Carlson

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“I’m going to address this as I always do: by saying the M&Ms should definitely be sexier.”

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Laura Ingraham

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“Anyone who complains about the environment at Fox News is just a disgruntled former employee who’s mad I slapped them.”

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Jeanine Pirro

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“No one I’ve worked with has ever had a bad experience working at Fox News. But then again, I’ve never been able to finish a conversation with a coworker without them leaving the room.”

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Neil Cavuto

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[Wordlessly pulls out his penis]

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Ainsley Earhardt

Ainsley Earhardt

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“Suffering makes Ainsley grow stronger.”

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Martha MacCallum

Martha MacCallum

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“I can’t talk right now. They’re listening...FUCK YOU, YOU COMMIE LIBERAL TERRORIST!... Meet me outside after work, and I’ll explain everything...AND STAY OUT!”

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Shannon Bream

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“I’m a little teapot short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout.”

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Maria Bartiromo

Maria Bartiromo

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“It’s not toxic, it’s paying your dues. When you work at a place like this, you have to lie down and let all the anchors eat sushi off your naked body.”

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Steve Hilton

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“I asked for a raise and was given a harem of 15 female interns whose bras were stuffed with cash.”

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Brian Kilmeade

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“So I have a PA pull my pants up for me after I go to the toilet—so what? Gotta learn the biz somehow.”

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Dan Bongino

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“You’re right. It is. No one will call me ‘Bongo Boy’ like I asked.”

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Mark Levin

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“I’m hoping that if I sexually harass people enough, an Antifa will show up and I can slap them.”

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Geraldo Rivera

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“Creating a toxic environment is half the fun of having a job.”

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Jesse Watters

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“I own a yacht. Who cares!”

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Bret Baier

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“If I didn’t live my life harassing women and minorities, how could I expect my fans to do the same?”

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Trey Gowdy

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“They don’t call me ‘Registered Sex Offender Trey’ for nothin’!”

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