PARIS—Shocked and appalled by their wanton disregard of propriety, the French populace was reportedly disgusted Wednesday after learning members of the Roman Catholic clergy preyed on children in a manner that citizens said was only acceptable for teachers, artists, and filmmakers. “We want to condemn in the strongest possible terms these priests thinking they can get away with child sex abuse as if they were famous writers or auteurs or something,” said Bernard Moreau, 43, who echoed the views of his fellow Parisians when he stated that such actions, while perhaps understandable in the context of a lecturer at a lycée wishing to initiate a teenage student into the ways of the flesh, were completely unacceptable in the case of church authority figures. “Unless you are talking about a celebrated painter or intellectual who seeks to accompany a virgin on their sexual rite of passage, then children have a right to feel safe and protected. These revelations are a terrible stain upon the institution of the Catholic Church—and only that institution.” At press time, French citizens were campaigning for the victims to be compensated with erotic, mind-broadening experiences with the right kind of adult.
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