Friend From College Wasted No Time Becoming White-Collar Professional

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CHARLOTTE, NC—Noting how his fellow 23-year-old now takes business trips and apparently has a company-issued cell phone, local barista Daniel MacKenzie reported Friday that his friend Eric Sanford—with whom MacKenzie attended the University of Virginia from 2011 to 2015—has wasted no time at all becoming a full-fledged white-collar professional. “The last time I saw Eric was at graduation about a year ago, but then we met up for beers last week and he was wearing a button-down shirt and mentioning something about having to move meetings around to see me—boy, he got right into that whole thing real fast,” said MacKenzie, noting that the message from his one-time intramural broom hockey co-captain arranging the meetup for drinks contained an appended email signature identifying him as an “Associate.” “After I told him about how I’m trying to decide whether to go back to school for something or maybe apply for an internship, he complained about how he had to give a presentation to some clients. Then he said he could ‘expense’ the meal. I have no idea how he got to this point.” MacKenzie and Sanford are said to have found some common ground, however, when collectively shaking their heads at how their third roommate, Charles, had wasted no time going back to the job at GameStop he had held back in high school.