SALEM, OR—Sources confirmed that local man Paul Gallagher emailed friends a link to an eight-minute-long YouTube video Wednesday, evidently experiencing some kind of psychotic break that left him deluded enough to believe people would want to watch the whole goddamned thing. “Is he out of his fucking mind?” link recipient Stephen Dunstable said after reading the email’s instruction to “be sure to watch all the way to the end.” “Because he’d have to be clinically insane to think anyone would sit through a video that long. Three or four minutes would be crazy enough—but eight? And the asshole doesn’t even tell us what point we should cue it up to if we just want to watch the best part. I honestly don’t know what planet this guy is living on.” Later on, while procrastinating at work, Dunstable reportedly watched the video in its entirety and admitted it was “actually kind of good.”
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