Frightened LeBron James Contemplates Retirement After Catching Glimpse Of 80-Year-Old Self In Backboard Reflection

Illustration for article titled Frightened LeBron James Contemplates Retirement After Catching Glimpse Of 80-Year-Old Self In Backboard Reflection

LOS ANGELES—Shaken by the mysterious glimpse into his own looming mortality, LeBron James contemplated retirement Wednesday after catching a glimpse of his 80-year-old self in the backboard’s reflection. “Oh God, what was that? What will become of me?” said the visibly disturbed 36-year-old, who expressed dismay over what appeared to be a weathered, cracked face that suggests he could be chasing rings on third-rate contenders well into his golden years. “What are they trying to tell me? And what about my family? I didn’t see them in the reflection—are they gonna be okay? I can’t play this game forever. I swear I can change—I must change.” At press time, a panicked James was desperately attempting to escape an unending locker-room tunnel.