Illustration for article titled Frustrated Nation Out Of Ideas To Solve Gun Violence Problem Except For All The Obvious Ones

WASHINGTON—Unsure of what to do after the Senate rejected several gun control measures Monday in the wake of the deadliest mass shooting in U.S. history, frustrated Americans reported Tuesday they were completely out of ideas to solve the nation’s gun violence problem except for all the obvious ones. “I feel like there’s absolutely nothing we can do to stop these killings from happening over and over except for all the first things you’d think of,” said San Jose, CA resident Megan Ortiz, echoing the sentiments of tens of millions of her fellow citizens who were uncertain how to prevent such tragedies from happening again in the future aside from the most basic, common-sense solutions that immediately come to mind whenever a mass shooting occurs. “Trying to stop people who are most likely to commit mass shootings from getting the device needed to commit mass shootings didn’t work, and trying to ban the type of instrument that makes these mass shootings so easy to carry out also didn’t go anywhere. Beyond those glaringly apparent answers, I’m really drawing a blank on what we could possibly do.” At press time, the American people had reportedly resigned themselves to the conclusion that no solution—except for several that 90 percent of them all agreed on—existed, and simply went on with their days without giving the issue any further thought.


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